


Torn and Frayed

by dispatchwithlove



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:41:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23368621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dispatchwithlove/pseuds/dispatchwithlove
Summary: Garrus and Shepard were bondmates and Spectres when the Normandy was attacked by Collectors. Garrus gave his life to get everyone off the ship, and two years later is brought back to life only to find out that his bondmate has gone MIA.This fic is on a long hiatus. I'll get back to it someday, but my other fics have taken up all of my time.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 8
Kudos: 36





	Torn and Frayed

Garrus collapsed into a chair in his cabin. He didn’t spend time introducing himself to the crew of unfamiliar faces. He didn’t say much to Joker other than ‘hello’ and crack a joke about death. He didn’t brief with Miranda and Jacob about their next steps. He didn’t take his armor off and shower. He didn’t do a single thing that he should have done.

Instead, he walked straight to his cabin, nearly a spitting image of the one he once shared with his bondmate, sat down at his console, and called Liara. The Cerberus ops said they didn’t know where Jane was, that they tried to find her but couldn’t. But Liara would know. Liara was her best friend; she had to know.

He’d already exchanged a brief message with Liara and he told her to expect a call once he had a moment to himself. After typing in her information, he took the chance to prop up his aching and heavy head. His arm shook with fatigue, and it made him realize he wouldn’t be able to hold his head up like that for very long.

“Garrus!” Liara at least looked excited to see him when she answered, which felt nice. Tali took his return a bit different – she seemed confused and reluctant. Cerberus used Garrus’ resurrection to get Joker on board, so while he was happy, he played it off in his typical cool and detached manner. “Goddess, it is a wonder to see your face again. You look so good!

Well that was good news, because he felt like the walking dead. “I feel like shit, Liara. But thanks.”

Garrus didn’t waste any more time on pleasantries, and got straight to the point. “Liara. Where is she? I need my bondmate,” he pleaded. Waking up and fighting through two facilities in one day without Jane by his side had put him in a terrible mood. He was ready to be back by her side. And the last time he saw her face, he was drifting away from her and slowly suffocating. He had to keep shaking that image from his head.

“Garrus, I have to tell you that I’m the Shadow Broker now.”

“You’re kidding. When the hell did that happen? How?”

“About a month after your death. Shepard and I decided we’d need more resources to fight the Reapers. We tracked the Shadow Broker down, and we killed him together. I’ve been the acting Shadow Broker ever since.”

“Well I’m happy to hear the two of you found a way to keep yourselves busy after I died,” he drawled. Liara was taking his resurrection in stride. She looked happy to see him, but not surprised in any way. He took a wild guess that was chalked up to the fact that she was the new Shadow Broker, which meant that Jane must also know he was alive. So why the hell was she ignoring his messages?

He shifted his head to the opposite hand, giving the other one a break. “So where’s Jane?”

“I don’t know Garrus. I haven’t heard from her in 6 months.”

His mandibles clicked anxiously. “How do you not know where she is?” he felt like punching something, but considering how exhausted he was, he sighed instead. It was the best he could do to release the frustration that was steadily growing.

“She’s been…working by herself for awhile. My last detailed report was from a year ago, placing her in the Hades Nexus.”

“What was she doing there?” Trying to process this all, on top of his mental and physical exhaustion, left his head swimming.

“She answered a colony’s call for help when batarian slavers attacked. She single handedly took out the slavers, and didn’t take any credits, or accept any gifts, before quickly leaving.”

“Why?” It seemed like an off thing for her to do. Not unlike her, but it was certainly random.

“Because that’s what she’s been doing since you died,” she gently explained.

“That can’t be all you have.” The information disappointed him, and his tone had dropped. It probably seemed like he was angry at Liara, but he wasn’t. It had just been a long day, to put it lightly.

“I’m sorry, it is. She disappeared and didn’t want to be found. I’ll look in to it – devote more time now that you’re back, but I want to hear from her as much as you do. I assure you, I _have_ been trying.” Her voice trembled, and he could tell there was so much more she was thinking and saying.

“What’s that in your voice, Liara? What aren’t you telling me?”

“I’ve been…worried about her, Garrus. She took your death very hard, naturally so. All the reports I have on her describe someone with no regard for their own life. She acts like she’s already dead. She...she needs you. If we don’t find her soon...”

He raised his hand, asking Liara to stop there. His head dropped and eyes closed as he tried to hold himself back from the ever-sinking feeling that was threatening to take him down. His mate, the love of his life, was out there, alone. And if Liara was right, she’d all but given up.

And then a thought suddenly occurred to him and he was almost apprehensive to ask. “But she knows I’m alive, right?” It was a good thing they weren’t in the same room, because he would have reached out and shook Liara. “You didn’t keep her in the dark about what Cerberus was doing, right?”

“I…” Liara’s eyes shifted briefly looking down, before she took a breath and looked him in the eyes again. “I knew they were working on bringing you back, but nothing was certain. I was afraid that if she knew, and they somehow failed…I’d lose her for good after that. You know what that would have done to her. And when you sent that message yesterday, telling me you were alive, that they succeeded, I tried to send her a message but I think she wiped her omni-tool. She hasn’t answered my messages for months.”

Well, that explained why she didn’t answer him either. At least she didn’t think that someone was playing a sick joke on her, which is what he’d feared. Garrus tried to gather his thoughts as he pushed the panic and dread down. He had to focus, come up with a plan, and find her. No one else had been able to. Not a secret organization with limitless funds. Not Liara, her best friend who apparently possessed all of the Shadow Broker’s vast resources. But he would. They were bondmates. Soul mates. Damn the galaxy that would try to keep them apart.

He finally looked back up at Liara, who had been patiently waiting for him. “What did she say? Six months ago when you heard from her?”

“I’ll send you the recording. Maybe you can decipher something that I can’t. I’ll send you all the reports I have on her as well, even the ones I haven’t been able to prove are her.”

“Alright,” he nodded, satisfied that he at least had a lead. This wasn’t what he wanted when he first called Liara. He pictured it going a lot differently. She would have told him where Jane was; he’d be resetting their course and flying to see her right now. But this was at least more information than he had before the call. He’d find her, and they would be back in each other’s arms.

His exhaustion was finally hitting with full force, and he knew he had to at least lie down. Sleep would probably be impossible, but he was certain that he’d wind up on the floor if he tried to stay upright any longer.

“Thank you Liara.”

“We’ll find her,” she assured him with a soft, encouraging smile. She was as determined as him, which is what he needed. “Take care, Garrus.”

“You too.”

Garrus turned the call off then rubbed vigorously at the pain developing between his eyes, a vain attempt to ease it away before his arms, exhausted just like the rest of his body and mind, dropped heavily to hang between his legs. It was hard to imagine anyone would have enjoyed waking up from a _nap_ to experience what he had in the past few hours, let alone waking up from a two year long death.

Everything he’d been through in such a small amount of time flashed before him. _Wake up. Fight through a Cerberus lab—side by side with two Cerberus Ops no less. Save some quarians. Spirits, seeing Tali like that was weird. Talk to a laughably cryptic human with a nicotine addiction. Find out your mate’s gone AWOL. Totally normal way to adjust to life again after resurrection._

Anything less would have been suspiciously unlike his life – his first life at least. Only the spirits knew how his second life was going to turn out.

The ping from his omni-tool nearly startled him and he huffed in the effort to pick his arms back up so he could look through the reports and vids Liara sent.

All his aches and frustration washed away, though, as Shepard’s face appeared before his eyes. At first he didn’t see the pain or exhaustion in her eyes, he didn’t see the dark circles or the long, tangled hair. He only saw her beautiful green eyes and her soft lips. He could feel her lips press sweetly to his mouth. He saw her adorable cheeks, flecked with golden freckles. Spirits, he loved to run his talons along those cheeks, tracing the precious golden marks that flecked her skin. His subvocals perked up, gently thrumming at the sight of his mate. But he had to wait to hear her voice for just one agonizing moment because Liara spoke first.

 _“Shepard, it’s good to see you,”_ Liara sounded hesitant, careful, as if she was walking a fine line with Shepard and was afraid of making a mistake.

 _“What’s up, Liara? How’s my old pal?”_ Garrus’ breath caught in his chest as he finally noticed the changes in Shepard. Her demeanor, the way she spoke to Liara – it was strange, unlike her. He noted the way her head hung, and the strange tone in her voice. She reminded him of so many poor, broken people they’d met while they ran from city to city, colony to colony, dashing to track down Saren. They were people who had lost too much, and now she was one of them. And, finally, he had to accept the truth – two years _had_ passed. Because that was not his confident, fiery Shepard.

_“I was hoping you would agree to come see me. We can spend some time together, it might be good for you to settle down somewhere for awhile, and rest.”_

_“You don’t even know where I am. Maybe I’m on a tropical planet, enjoying early retirement. Maybe I’m--”_

_“I know you’re not resting, Shepard, or enjoying some peace. Come live with me. Just for a short time. Illium is nice, and there’s plenty of things you can do here to relax.”_

_“I don’t want to rest, or relax.”_

_“And what are you doing instead?”_

_“Bit of target practice. Keeps me busy.”_

_“I wish you weren’t alone, Shepard. You could still be working as a Spectre. You could be doing the same work for the Council right now, and then at least_ someone _would know where you are.”_

 _“Fuck the council,”_ she casually responded, like she was used to saying it.

 _“Shepard,”_ Liara seemed to be pleading now, “ _Garrus would be--”_

 _“Disappointed in me?”_ Shepard cut Liara off. Spirits, he wasn’t. Nothing could make him disappointed in her. He had to find her, make sure she knew he would always adore her and revere her, and that she could never let him down.

_“He wouldn’t be disappointed. But it would break his heart to see you like this.”_

 _“Yeah, well, he won’t. He’s dead,”_ she callously snapped. Garrus’ subvocals cracked and strained his throat. The pitiful and suffocating keening surfaced immediately. There was no build up, and there was no stifling it. Shepard lost him, she watched him float out into space and had to let him go. She’d lived without him for _two years_. If she missed him half as much as he would have missed her, she must be broken right now. He was overwhelmed by the thought of how much pain she must be in, how lost she must feel. He longed to hold her close, run his talons through her hair and whisper into the curve of her neck that he loves her.

_“I miss you Shepard,” Liara said._

 _“I miss you too.”_ Her voice was sad now, and finally she sounded sincere.

 _“Shepard…”_ Liara seemed to be at a loss for words. He imagined they’d had this conversation several times already, and that they never reached a resolution.

And then Shepard took advantage of Liara’s pause to cut the conversation short. She stiffened up again, and blinked rapidly, probably to fight back tears that threatened to well up.

 _“Well it was nice talking. Maybe in another 6 months? Take care.”_ She spoke rapidly, ensuring Liara couldn’t respond.

Shepard’s face disappeared, gone in an instant, as she ended the call. His heart dropped and despite knowing it was an old image of her, that she wasn’t actually there in front of him, he had the urge to reach out to her. He wanted to grab ahold of her so she couldn’t leave.

Garrus knew he had to get to her. He didn’t care about Cerberus, or Reapers. He could figure everything else out once he had his bondmate back. But where the hell was she?


End file.
